


Relapse.

by nowcanyousmile



Category: U-KISS
Genre: AU, M/M, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nowcanyousmile/pseuds/nowcanyousmile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe triggering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Relapse.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a number of reasons. There are a lot of things in my head that I can’t say, so I write them down. It’s not written for Elseop specifically but I feel like if this don’t make a good OC or you-fic, it can be a part two for my Maybe which I wrote a while ago.
> 
> I sincerely hope that no matter what or whose point of view you are reading this as, you will enjoy this.

It's very sad for me to see that some people are so intend to leave mark on the world that they don't care if that mark is a scar. – John Green.

.

Kicking an addiction is not easy. Kicking an addiction that ravage your soul is even harder. Maybe it’s because we all have the tendency to hate ourselves. People couldn’t envisage sliding a piece of ice cold sharp mental across their bodies because we were taught that physical pain is bad, we don’t like it, but the truth is when the pain you feel inside is too strong, bleeding it out makes it better. The physical pain comes and goes- give it enough time to heal and no one can tell what happened there a few weeks ago, but the inner pain is way too vast, too suffocating. You imagine yourself as Dobby, punishing yourself for every single flaw you make, hating yourself, waiting for your master to set you free yet the unknown world is too frightening. You have no Harry to give you the pair of socks, you have no Hermione to help pave your way and the saddest part is that your master is yourself.

 

In movies, a Prince Charming come and help you out of your well, or they teach you how to love yourself and BOOM the two of you live happily ever after. Fairytales are full of shit. They never tell you what happened after happily ever after. Time will go and your addiction starts kicking in again without warning. It has nothing to do with your happiness or how well you are treated, it really have nothing to do with anything, the old you are begging for a second chance and you just can’t say no. It had been a part of you for so long, you have a taste of the so called normal life – you like it but then you remember the nights you spend in the bathroom with no one but Vodka, with nothing but that little blade, you remember the sense of relieve when the metal went a little too deep. You begin to wonder, comparing to this “happy life”, how bad is the depressing life? It couldn’t be that bad, right? After all, you have been living with your sadness for so long. You shake the thought off your mind, trying to distract yourself. Happiness is a good thing, you ought to be happy, you told yourself. But then a leopard never changes its spots, you spot that pencil sharpener with the corner of your eyes. And then you realize how hard it is to really change, even hell can get comfy once you've settled in. Suddenly, nothing matters. The urge comes back again. This time, stronger than ever. You swallowed hard, and that familiar feeling of heart sinking, chest tightening for no reason come back again. It’s more than just ironic to say that you feel finally at home. 

 

You took the sharper, toyed it with your fingers. You smiled, the voice in your head is back again, along with all your insecurities and uncertainty you have been suppressing all these days. You looked at the clock, 9:30, you probably got a little more than an hour before he returns.

 

.

“Hey baby, I’m home!” his cheerful voice came from the living room downstairs. The house is too quiet and you can hear his footsteps approaching. Shit, you looked around the bathroom and panicked. Blood was everywhere, too much to fake any excuse; there is not a single inch of skin on your left arm that’s not covered with red marks, it’s definitely not a pleasant sight. Instead of feeling sick or disgusted, you feel relieved – those feels you bottled up for the past few weeks have finally be set free. Perhaps that’s the reason the sharp edge went a little too deep than you were used to. Your thighs aren’t any better, blood are dashing out from the words you craved on your skin. The reddish colors drips along your legs and finally join the others on the titles. No, it’s not painful, it’s sensational. The burning sensation somehow knocks some sense into you. You then tried to stand up from the blood pool to lock the door, he should not see this, you told yourself but your brain refused to cooperate after the amount of blood just poured out. The dizziness started to take over…what do you do? You heard him switching on the corridor lights. What should you do? His is half way up the stairs (the 12th step always cracks). What can you do? He just turned the knob of your room, he can check the bathroom any seconds. You throw your new found “friend” into the toilet and managed to reach for the flush- it will be hard for you to access to another one in the coming future as he had hide everything that may be triggering in the household already… The only thought before you fainted, or better put as the fact you relapse is disclose, is not being able to cut again. How pathetic, you told yourself as you felt him trying to wake you up. “Baby?”

 

“Damn it, baby, stay with me okay?” You hear his panicking voice, as if…as if what? Your brain wasn’t functioning well enough. You heard the emotion but you couldn’t fathom into constellations. You feel like drowning, you are cold, very cold. You will probably shiver if you can still feel your limbs.

 

“Stay with me, please….” His voice fade away with your last piece of conscious is eaten by the labyrinth of darkness and stillness. Why bother staying when you are once more this close from what set you free?

 

.

To be continue.


End file.
